20 Points. I am currently writing a novel, and I need to have your honest opinion of the beginning. Not, this is a backstory of how the character Winter got into where she is currently in chapter one. Please give an honest opinion.


Let me tell you a story, starting from the beginning.


"No no no no no no no!" Winter raced through he woods trying to find a safe place to hide.


There was no place to hide. She was alone.


She couldn't turn back, because behind her was a killer. A killer who had slaughtered her entire family, and is now after her. She is scared, hurt and desperately trying to get away. The killer was a demon, and she was human. There was absolutely no way she could outrun him, but she could try. Winter was a survivor. And she strives to survive any situation, even insane demonic ex's named Cain.


So there she was, running for her life from the man who trapped her and promised her eternal suffering so long as she still existed. So she stops and hides in a hollowed out tree. She knows she is not safee, she never was safe to begin with. so she just sits there and waits. She's only human, so she can only run for so long. Her legs are tired, screaming at her in agony. And her heart is pounding right out of her chest.


"Winter~ Come on out my snowflake, I'm not going to hurt you, I just want to see you" She could hear his voice echoing, his voice alone sent shivers through her. The voice of a psycho that wanted to see her suffer. It terrified her and she constantly wondered why it was her he went after.


"WINTER! I know you're hiding, i can't hear your footsteps anymore." He was close "Come. out. now." Her hear rate increased ten times over and she struggled to breathe, she was having a panic attack. She was crying, she let all the grief of what had just happened sink in. She let the fact of her impending doom sink in, and she cried. Then she saw him, he was right in front of her, she continued to cry softly, letting out pained whispered screams. He yanked her out by her arm and held her arms tight and just smiled at her.


"Got you now little snowflake. It's time to bring out the sun so you can melt away." She stared in his eyes, shaking her head no, she couldn't speak, she couldn't move, and she was scared as hell. There was nothing she could do. So he dragged her back to her house, the same house that he turned to a slaughterhouse for her family.


In the living room where her little brother lied mangled in the corner, he let her go. She immediately collapsed to her knees staring at the ground in fear, disbelief and pain. She couldn't get up and run because her legs were tired and practically useless as of now. She was useless.


"Why so grim love? You did this to yourself. You and your little ways that got me to fall in love with you. A sheep and a ravenous demon. How'd that turn out for you?" Cain grinned. She didn't answer. she just kept quiet.


"Well then, you must know what time it is now don't you?" She did. He was going to send her to a hell. A world she knew nothing of, a world full of danger that she would be trapped in, for eternity. She did not move, she just waited for her fate to come.


Now, I know you're wondering, 'Why would anyone wish anything like this upon another living being?' Well, let me give you a few simple answers. Cain was a psycho, in the worst way he could possibly be. Not only that, he was a sadistic freak that adored to see Winter in pain. Why Winter? Well I personally wonder the same thing myself. You see, Cain loved her, and at one point she loved him. At the time, she did not know he was a raging psychopath. She just loved him.


He promised her love, love beyond anything that her world could offer. But as time passed, she realized how much of a monster he was. His true sadistic nature revealed itself, and she broke up with him. He would not take that. He loved her, and he was insane, so he promised her he would be back, and he would destroy everyone she ever loved. He was going to give her a fate worse than death, by sending her somewhere she could never escape, somewhere that is completely inhuman. He was sending her to a practical hell, and she had no idea as to where or what it was.


And the only funny thing about this story is that she is me.

And today I woke up in hell

Answer:

This is really good!!

Explanation:

I really enjoyed your writing and I like how you have set this story up!! The story is extremely intriguing and I almost didn't want to stop reading. I love your descriptive language and it makes the story feel alive. The scenarios feel real and its easy to put yourself in the place of Winter (who is an interesting character) and feel sorry for her and her situation. The one thing I think that could help this even more is maybe some even more descriptive words when describing her running away from Cain (she heard every leaf crunch under her feet and cringed at the thought of him hearing her, she felt the cold breeze and stiff air more than ever alone in that tree and she sat in the short amount of safety that was given to her in that moment, she heard Cains manic laugh echo through the forest, ect.). I feel as though this could make that scene even more better than it already is!! :)

I love this idea and your creativity! Keep writing, this will be amazing!!

Dear Lucifer,

I absolutely Adore it, I wan't to read the book now. so keep updating.               I feel like it's exciting and amazing, but all this information is like a smack in the face. Try to spread it out so it can fit on more than one page. Have fun with your writing Luci.

                                                                                                       - Lord Diavolo

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